1. |
somebody had to
03:53
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it wasn’t what you wanted in your head
every ghost you swore to God was dead
hiding in the halls, under your bed
just to remind you
everything was perfect till it was not
your mother had a mind she lost
your Daddy went to work
I guess somebody had to
Picture day for the t-ball team
your own baseball card you looked happy
but that was right before the stubborn storm came through
And settled over that yellow house
you learned to hide out back
in the trees by yourself
and imagine a different world
I guess somebody had to
somebody had to
Putting on your mask
your thicker skin
unaware
you were just a kid
I’ve seen you with flash flood eyes
longing for an end
you’ve taught me to give it time
just put the work in
it wasn’t what you wanted in your head
every ghost you swore to God was dead
hiding in the halls, under your bed
just to remind you
everything was perfect till it was not
your mother had a mind she lost
your Daddy went to work
I guess somebody had to
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2. |
Darren
04:31
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underage, hidden rage
banging our heads near the stage
part scared to death part teenage pride
we knew the truth, but loved the lie
stole all our stubborn confidence
from a punk rock poser some college kid
who talked a lot about everything
we met at a show he asked us our names
He drove an old purple Subaru
at night it looked dark blue
wore a studded belt and wallet chain
when his folks split up he tried to hide the pain
talking real, real big, but we knew he was full
of shit still he wasn’t cruel
like the jocks and jackasses at school
despite all the facts we thought he was so cool
Darren said he was straight edge,
his teeth were crooked
you could tell people
thought he was lame, but he had a car
and he knew our names
he drove us to shows And got us in
said Nirvana was technically a punk band
I thought he was wrong, but I didn’t say a word
I was out of the house away from my
helicopter mom kind of like the one
on Almost Famous it was good for a bit to
break the spell, to finally be free
in a suburban hell
you know sometimes
with fast friends
they fall away
just as quick
you rack your brain,
but you can’t recall
nothing happened
nothing at all
it’s like you woke up
and you’ve moved on
you can barely remember your favorite song
you get older and it comes on
and you remember when
you were underage
so much hidden rage
banging your head
near the stage
part scared to death
part teenage pride
you knew the truth,
but loved the lie
stole all your
stubborn confidence
from a punk rock poser
some college kid
who talked a lot, but he was my friend
he was my friend
he was my friend
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3. |
freckles
04:05
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someone spilled
all the freckles out
emptying the jar
on her cheeks
arms and shoulders
a thousand scattered little stars
in the sun
finding patterns
curing constellations
I was in love
but she didn’t even know
who I was
in the stands
near the drum line
my heart a bleeding metronome
her smile a spark
laughing with her friends
she was my only home-
coming queen though all the votes
went to the token high school Barbie
in my mind no one else wore the crown
I knew every word
until she walked into the room
like a runaway train of thought
I would always lose
myself
in my mind wishing I was
really someone else
someone she would notice
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4. |
slow release
05:34
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always had a feeling
there was more
below the surface
rooms long been locked
told myself we don’t
go in there
but why not?
why not?
if I remember
it all
would it cover up
or right these wrongs?
to know what I buried
secretly carried
for so long
I tell myself we don’t go in there
but why not?
why not?
the Christmas
after I moved out
said all I wanted was a letter
you sent me a fuckin’ sweater
couldn’t take the time
to even try
to find the words
your silence hurt
I think I thought
you’d eventually admit
now you say your therapist
says we drove you to it,
but that’s bullshit
I’m learning to release
slowly letting go
Now, I look in the mirror
and see a person
you’ll never know
Here I am
who I’ve always been
Here I am
who I’ve always been
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5. |
the ammo
04:38
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Write my words down
in permanent ink
all my failures
every mistake
then chisel in stone
The worst of it
The secrets red running
Through my veins
Here’s all the ammo
You’ll ever need
I’m ready for the take down
The cancelling
Of my existence
Just follow the thread
You thought you were original
Those words were always in my head
A kid in his room
Raising himself
On videos games
And loneliness
took a while
to know who I am
I found the door
far away from this town
I fucked up,
but I’m no fuckup
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6. |
sadder than before
04:22
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You were
the only one
at the time
I knew had tried
I listened lying on your bed
to the words
your lines are still in my head
“I took all the pills I had
Woke up feeling so mad about it
Couldn’t even kill myself…
left me even sadder than before”
You’re the only one
I trust
to talk me through
down off the ledge
when I’m caught in the cage
lost in my head
sooner or later
i remember what you said
Turns out they call it depression
You were the first one to mention
I might need to talk with someone
I memorized your words
speak them out loud sometimes
it helps to free my mind
You said I was love
I think you were right
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7. |
burnt orange sun
04:31
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burnt orange sun
falling fast
behind the hills
into the past
there was a time
I had the day
in the palm
of my hand
Here’s comes the night
running in
looking for a fight
don’t care where you been
there was a time
I held the light
in the palm of my hand
I’ve been barely hanging on
I’ve been barely hanging on
Burnt Orange Sun
coming up so fast
over the hills
a new day at last
one more chance
to feel the light
in the palm of my hand
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8. |
you're the one
04:21
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Could have swore you said
You’d come back to get me
I waited on the porch
you never showed
All these years I’ve been
thinking I might be crazy,
but now I know
you’re the one
not me
Getting really close to standing
on my two feet
the scars will keep me like a doorway
open to the light
Have you ever
in all this time
had me on your mind?
All these years I’ve been
thinking I might be crazy,
but now I know
you’re the one
not me
I have this dream
I carry it with me
I’ll come around the corner
and there you’ll be
Makes me shake
I wake up sweating,
fighting fever
I want you to be here yet
I wish that you were dead
All these years I’ve been
thinking I might be crazy,
but now I know
you’re the one
not me
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9. |
you're not buying it
05:22
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You’re always here
all the others have gone
so why’m I getting your hopes up?
Cutting you down to size
down to the quick
swear to you I’ve changed,
but you’re not buying it
You know how dark
how dark I can get
A night with no stars
you’ve come to expect
I cut you down to size
down to the quick
swear to you I’ve changed,
but your not buying it
Been waiting for something
dying in the dark
reaching I felt you
cut the night with a spark
They say that no one
gets older without
some kind of baggage
to carry around
I’m tired of standing on
these stages of grief
maybe pain is all we get
and there is no relief…
but you’re not buying it
you’re not buying it
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10. |
i feel a weight
04:50
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blank blue canvas
not a single cloud
I left I’m sorry
I just had to get out
I’ve been walking by the river
to clear my muddy mind
you always know how you feel
for me, it just takes time
hey, what if we go out driving
just to drive
do the unthinkable and leave
our phones behind
I’ve got way more questions
than answers in my mind
all I know is when I keep quiet
the walls go up inside
you always know how you feel
for me, it just takes time
I’m not sure
why it’s so hard for me to say
out loud
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11. |
somebody get me to dance
04:12
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all this time
every stubborn little second
leaving me low
far behind my peers
I’ve had the chance
but I don’t ever take it
I’ve stuck around
this Sorrowtown
for what?
I’m still waiting
Somebody give me a chance
Somebody get me to dance
why can’t I ever seem to let go?
I’m sure that California
would have me I guess I’ll never know
I thought by now
that someone would notice
look me in my eyes and tell me,
“you’ve got to get out.”
swore the day
I turned 18
that I would leave,
but I’m still working
overtime
loved the lie
they told me
I never got away
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12. |
all over
04:17
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the day after
getting the results
we looked it over
as reasonable adults
and took a walk around the block
hoping we’d return
and it would be all over
all be over
I ask myself
why’m I here
and not somewhere else?
the months went swimming
with the years
the days went missing
the hours were replaced
with tears
we took some time
some time apart
hoping we’d come back together
and it would be all over
it would be all over
I ask myself
why’m I here
and not somewhere else?
there’s a line on the map
and there’s driving down that road
you never know what to expect
till you pack up and go
the day
before you left for good
I remember thinking
if there’s a God I wish they would
let me close my tired eyes
and wake up in the morning
and it would be all over
all over
I ask myself
why am I still here?
and you’re somewhere else
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